the idea is to open up. to realize that growing up alone isnt the only option left. to be friendly as if there was something else to come. to speak as if i could be heard. to hold onto my thoughts as if they had any sort of worth.
the picture above is from clearwater beach. i took that when my sister and i went. she was visiting to see my 'graduation'. and quotes around that because it was only for an associates. no bachelor for me. im a failure. love me anyway. we also went on a boat ride that day and briefly saw some dolphins swimming in our boat's wake. during the middle of the boat ride it started to pour. so we rode back to shore and then walked to the car in the heavy rain. moments like that are always memorable.
ive been jobless for over a month now. and ive reverted to my natural cycle. living my 30 hour days. sleeping my fill for 10 hours a day. and staying up for the next 20. its 3 hours until church so ive got time to dawdle. lately the day has only been good for sleeping so itll be a long day today. but i should fix my schedule.
the way we remember whats past in our lives, the emotions weve felt during the moments of our lives dont always permanently attach themselves to their corresponding memory. events take place. realizations are made. and people change. perhaps not fundamentally (though i do believe its possible somehow), but certainly incidentally. i guess what im trying to say is that many memories no longer taste the same in their recollection as they did living them. and sometimes you remember hows it was and how it has changed. but sometimes you forget how it was altogether.
awhile back whlie i was still at school, i was invited out for drinks by some classmates. it was the end of a week, we just got out of lab, and so i accepted. when i reach the place i see someone backing out of a prime parking spot right in front of the bar. however, while i wait for the car to vacate, some guy approaches me. hes awkward and embarrassed as he says he needs a ride home. its late and the buses have stopped making their rounds. he looked young and it would have been easy to say no. but i suddenly remembered i was a nice guy and told him to hop in. i learned during the ride that he was from africa, his name was mohommad, he had recently graduated high school, and he was out looking for a job and got stranded. while the validity of the story remains unknown (looking for a job past midnight on a friday night?), he was polite and even offered to pay me for the ride but i had to say no (because im a bloody nice guy). when i made it back to the bar my classmates had already gotten their drinks and settled in to the alki groove. i was just about to order my own when a girl approaches our table and offers us a beer. apparently their group ordered a bucket and they were about to leave and had one extra. and because i was the only one without a drink in hand, everyone looks at me. i sport a little 'why not' look and say 'i guess ill take it' with a charming little smile. as the girl walks over to hand it to me i can see shes got a pretty face. and not only that, shes looking me in the eyes and is smiling (believe me, when youre as ugly as me that comes as a surprise). im so stunned that i dont say thank you until she starts walking away. and she turns around with another smile and says youre welcome. dont get me wrong, this isnt an 'ooo' and 'ahhh' pretty girl story. its nothing more than what it is. just a beer and pretty girl who was probably a bit tipsy and thats why she was able to smile in my general direction. this is a story to pose the question: do you believe in karma? i had a classmate that does and i always gave him a hard time about it. then a few days after the beer incident, we were sitting at a table and he offers everyone one of his chicken nuggets. i say 'no thanks' but everyone else takes one leaving him with only one. i was curious as to why he bought chicken nuggets if he was just going to give them away and he answered that he needed the good karma. his car broke down recently and he felt he needed to give a little in order to better his current situation. and so i took his last nugget and thoroughly enjoyed it as it made its way down to my stomach. and then perhaps it went from my stomach straight to his karma.
i didnt get the internship i wanted. they cycle through internships every quarter though so i may just wait until winter and apply again. i might keep looking for another one but im afraid it may conflict with my job i start next week. that job being a barista at the starbucks right down the street. im suddenly feeling the desire for world domination but im not sure where its coming from.
and ive also settled into a 3 bed 2 bath with a couple guys that go to jca
. weve got drapes in our living room. weve got a balcony. weve got 5.1 surround sound for our movies. weve got cable tv and high speed internet. our place is really nice and my roommates are both great guys. im probably a bad influence though. i play cs with one guy and dota with the other.
anyway, if youre ever in atlanta dont be a stranger.
"i really want ella to be able to say ,'one thing my dad wasnt was a liar.'" - david bazan (pedro the lion) in 'body piercing saved my life'